How the Brave and Noble Sir Chadwick Triumphed over the Nefarious Sir Rupert

By Chad Fisher

A long time ago in a city far, far away (Oshkosh) there was a brave and noble knight named Sir Chadwick. Now if it was up to Chadwick we would all live in a communist society where everybody was equal but there happened to be another knight who insisted on thinking he was better than everybody else. That knight was, of course, Sir Rupert. Now Sir Rupert believed that he was better because all of the knights because the all met at his castle.

Sir Chadwick followed his ancestor, King Arthur, by making a round table for all of his equals to sit at with no head of the table. Now Sir Rupert believed in equality equality in everybody below him. His table looked something like this.

That way he could sit at the head of the table but everybody below him could be equal with each other.

Now in his knightly court there were four good knights named Sir Puleco, Sir Domino, Sir Solovko, and Sir Chadwick. Of course these knights were never talking and always were paying full attention to Sir Rupert, but for some odd reason they were always getting blamed for everything that went wrong. If somebody made a crude comment during a picture show then they were always accused of saying it.  If somebody threw something toward the front of the room they were blamed for it. 

Now there was this girl, Lady Matilda, who was always talking and getting the four gallant knights into trouble.  She always got the highest knightly marks in the court even though she was a whole year younger than everybody else. This would make most knights mad but not Sir Chadwick, for he believed in equality.  Lady Matilda could get anything that she wanted and could get away with anything she wanted.  Only Lady Matilda was exempt from Sir Ruperts nefarious deeds.

These deeds were works of art.  The deeds are what he made his students do when they made him mad, which happened quite often for the four gallant knights.  Among these tasks was reading books in Arabic (backwards), finding the piece of hay in the needle stack, moving a pile of sand with tweezers, emptying one well and filling another with an eyedropper, and probably the worst of all reading outdated literature.

All of the knights in his court decided that they needed to hatch a plan, a plan to rid themselves of the evil Sir Rupert.  One night they all gathered except for Sir Rupert at Sir Chadwicks castle.  Sir Chadwick asked who wanted to be the one to do the dastardly deed.  Now this presented a problem, not because nobody wanted to do it, but because everybody wanted to do it.  They all tried to come up with ideas on how to rid themselves of him when everyone got to participate, but it was Sir Chadwick, himself that came up with the best solution.  We shall simply have to have him reincarnated many times so that we can all have our wish.  He said to himself.  Sir Domino heard him say this and announced it to the rest of the knights as the best plan so that was what they did.  Once again this presented a problem they had no way to reincarnate people at the time.

They decided they would have to set out on a journey to find a way to reincarnate Sir Rupert multiple times so they could rid themselves of him again and again.  Sir Domino decided to head north, Sir Chadwick to the west, Sir Puleco to the south, and Sir Solovko to the east.

In Sir Dominos travel he became completely lost and he ended up in a very hot and dirty place called Mexica.  There all the people had tan skin and talked really fast in code.  He couldnt understand.  He turned to one person and asked, What do you know about reincarnation.

They replied, Nada.  Of course to any competent person they would understand this as nothing, but being an utterly confused Sir Domino he thought he was being insulted.

He responded, Stop stealing our jobs.  Then he decided to head back north and go home.

Meanwhile, Sir Chadwick decided that because all the other knights were leaving and he knew that there was no way to reincarnate someone he chose to just stay at the castle and just make fun of them.

Sir Puleco also met the same fate as Sir Domino and ended up in a place called Canado.  Now, he asked the same question as Sir Domino, What do you know about reincarnation?

The Canodian replied, Nuffin, ay, you jeetyet.  Once again anybody who had ever heard of Canado would have understood that he was actually trying to say, Not much in the matter that you were referring to, but have you eaten recently?  But once again, Sir Puleco thought that he was insulting him so he burned the flag of Canado with the beech leaf on it and decided to head back to Oshkosh.

Now, Sir Solovko decided that since he was heading east he would ask the man who was going to rule our country, Kohn Jerry.  They met for breakfast in Washington, C.D.  The first thing he said asked was What do you know about reincarnation?

Kohn replied I know that the Buddhists believe in it but personally I dont care. He then had to run off to a press conference.

Sir Solovko was confused so he too, then returned home to Oshkosh to announce that he had also failed in getting the secret to reincarnation.

Meanwhile

Sir Chadwick was sitting at his round table thinking. Maybe there was no hidden secret to reincarnation. Maybe he had all of the information that he needed all along. Maybe the Buddhists were right all along. Maybe it was something that just happened.

Once all of the knights gathered at the court Sir Chadwick pronounced I have an announcement to make. I know that you all would like to be the one to rid us of Sir Rupert and his nefarious rulings. I have come up with a solution. This brought cheers from the round table. He continued, You all have to give up your religion and become Buddhists. The other knights were confused.

Lady Matilda stood up and questioned Sir Chadwick. What will that accomplish? she asked. 

You see, Sir Chadwick replied, One thing I learned from those picture shows that Sir Rupert made us watch is that a religion can only exist if enough people believe in it. So, he continued, if we all become Buddhists then perhaps enough people will believe in the Buddha for it to exist.

Oh was the collective reply.

Finally

After years of training and channeling their karma the Chadwick temple had enough people to make Buddhism an actual religion. All of the knights decided to charge Sir Ruperts castle in the middle of the night. When they all arrived in their robes Lady Kayla went into the castle and stabbed him.

Almost immediately he reappeared as a fish. Sir Benjamin went to the moat and caught him. He decided that a fair punishment for all of the nefarious deeds would be to cook him. I wont go into detail.

When he was reincarnated he came back as a Mexicon. Sir Chadwick took it from there. He just went to immigration and told them about the illegal Mexicon. Then the border patrol showed up and took Sir Rupert to Mexica. Everybody was finally happy (except for Sir Rupert)

THE END